‘Relational aggression,’ is a form of bullying favored by pre-adolescent and adolescent girls. This brand of bullying is nothing new, and it’s very common in our schools.

Many of us probably still harbor at least one painful memory from our childhood of being teased, shunned or even harassed by ‘the popular girls’ or someone we once considered a friend.

The fact that it bugs us still is testimony to how hurtful and damaging relational aggression can be.

The effects can be every bit as serious, if not more so, as physical bullying.

Victims often experience anxiety, depression and problems in school. They may develop eating disorders, self-harming behaviors, or start taking risks with sex or drugs and alcohol.

Danny Hanson, ‘YES’ violence prevention coordinator, said the problem got to be bad enough for one young woman that she is transferring schools.

“It often takes more time and energy to address girl bullying than boy bullying, and the effects can be more detrimental in the long run than a black eye or a bloody nose,” said Hanson, who provides one-on-one counseling at the Old Firehouse in Redmond and goes into classrooms to talk to students about violence and bullying, including relational aggression.

More often than not, Hanson said, victims are friends or former friends.

Since the victims seldom tell and the bullies are careful about not being caught, the harassment and hurt can go on indefinitely under the radar of caring adults.

Parents and adults have a role in preventing girl bullying. It starts with becoming aware of the problem and taking it seriously.

Here are some things to look for and keep in mind:

Tune in to your daughter. Is she being excluded from activities that she once attended? Is her best friend no longer calling? Ask her what she needs or wants and how you can support her. Oftentimes, victims are waiting for someone to intervene and protect them.

Engage in open and honest conversation with your teen about her friendships and how her friends treat each other. Discuss with her what makes a good friend.

As a parent and role model, demonstrate kindness and healthy friendships. Don’t gossip or make fun of others, and don’t tolerate that behavior in anyone else, including your daughter.

Teach girls to stand up for themselves and their friends and to speak to school administrators if they see bullying happening.

Don’t push your son or daughter to get into the “right” group or activity.

Instead, help them make friends outside of school and get involved in a variety of groups and social circles.

The Eastside’s three teen centers – at the Old Firehouse in Redmond, Kirkland Teen Union Building, and Ground Zero in Bellevue – all have YES counselors on site and are safe and welcoming places for young people to spend time and make friends.

For more information, call 425-747-4937 or go to www.youtheastsideservices.org/.