By Stefan Ulstein
An elevator conversation can be a great way to help your kids succeed in school. It’s a simple way to focus on your kids rather than the shiny new ideas about testing and teacher accountability.
Few of this season’s shiny new educational ideas are likely to benefit kids who are in school right now. Some, like the ill-conceived WASL, will go down in flames, some will quietly disappear and a few might actually help.
Meanwhile, your kids will march off to school to be taught in a classroom by a teacher. That hasn’t changed, and probably won’t in the near future. A few elevator conversations can make an end-run around all the shiny new ideas that may or may not work.
Great education comes out of relationships. You are busy. You probably have a demanding job, or maybe a couple of them. Teachers are busy, too. A high school teacher with a hundred English students will have a hard time getting to know every student. Yet that teacher shares your deepest concern. She wants your kid to get the best, most empowering education possible.
If you were to meet that teacher in an elevator you could say, “Hi, I’m Joe Smith’s dad. He says you are an interesting teacher.” The teacher will be encouraged and will probably respond with something like, “He’s an interesting guy. I’m looking forward to working with him.”
The elevator door opens and you step out. But in those few seconds you have made a connection. You have shown the teacher that Joe has a dad who cares. You have demonstrated your support. She now sees Joe as a member of a family rather than a face among many.
Now, think of the e-mail elevator conversation. I once wrote, “Ji-won wrote a great essay on Kohlberg’s stages of moral reasoning in Huck Finn. You might enjoy reading it. I sure did.” That took me eight seconds to write. Her mom replied, “Thanks. I will check it out.” Four seconds. Neither of us had invested much time or energy but Ji-won came to school the next day knowing that we were all on her side.
I get scores of e-mails every day and many of them are what my Microsoft friend calls TLDNR: “Too long, did not read.” I can kiss away an hour of my day by composing equally detailed replies.
A short, civil note is a breath of fresh air. If we have had a couple of friendly interchanges I am ready for a polite question like, “Liam is having a hard time understanding why his essay is considered plagiarized. Any suggestions?” Now we can tackle a difficult issue as friends.
We all do our best, most creative work when we feel supported and safe. When we are off-balance, or afraid of somebody attacking us, the orbitofrontal cortex is compromised. We go into the fight, flight or freeze mode.
A few elevator conversations can put us on the same side. Suspicion and fear diminish. We spend our
energy supporting one another in the high calling of nurturing and empowering a beloved and precious child.
Fads and shiny new ideas will come and go. A positive relationship between teacher, parents and student is like a firmly planted tripod. The student wins, and that’s what we all want so passionately.
Stefan Ulstein teaches English at Bellevue Christian School.
