I had one of those moments this week when it hits me like a thunderbolt – I am not 20 anymore. Dang it. (Writing “Dang it” is probably not a good sign either).

It was this story about students in Oregon texting and playing with their cell phones during a talk by 84-year-old Holocaust survivor Alter Wiener, that got me all “man, the kids of today. No respect…” I caught myself mid-reaction, realizing that just dismissing it as a generational thing doesn’t address the issue at all, and in fact makes it something it isn’t. “Cranky old man Lynch,” Deb called me.

There is no doubt, the widespread use of cell phones and mobile wireless devices is changing more than just where and when we talk. It is changing how we interact with other people, strangers particularly, and how we observe our environment.

But as much as it is easy to look at some dude on the bus, madly texting away or checking his Facebook page, while surrounded by dozens of actual people and a beautiful view of Mt. Rainier and the Cascades, and say he has disconnected himself from real society, that isn’t entirely true. And it is here the generational divide opens. For texting and Facebook is society – it is, for so many people, where they connect, how they socialize and how they engage. It’s just these definitions of “socialize” and “engage” are very different from how those of us who aren’t joined at the thumb to a machine might define them. The real question is, can we say yet if it is for better or for worse?

Now, I’ll lay it on the table so you know my colors – I think Facebook is lame, and I haven’t sent a text message in about three years. I was in my early 20’s when SMS first came in, so it’s not that I missed the boat. It’s just that I’m not interested in paying for something that doesn’t add anything worthwhile to my life, though phone companies spend millions of dollars trying to tell me that it does.

I built my own Web site, and maintain a blog, but I guess I have the same feelings about Facebook. Without it, I manage to keep in touch with all the people that are near and dear to me, and as for reconnecting with the kid I went to school with in Canberra in 1988, well, if it was meant to be we would probably still be mates today.

Most of my buddies here in Seattle are Facebookers, and so, sure, I miss out on an impromptu happy hour every now and then that gets organized in cyberspace. But, again, its about weighing the cost versus the benefit. My good friends know I hate Facebook, so when they want me, they call. Or, better yet, they come around – old school. I think checking a Facebook page every eight minutes to make sure you haven’t missed something is a sad way to operate, and so I opt out.

Socially, its problematic. I see people ignoring each other while they stare at their screens – at a nice restaurant, during the intermission, in between songs. That’s why I opt out. Because I don’t want to be… like that.

But my own personal option for digitally connecting isn’t the point. I think it’s safe to say they aren’t going to cancel Facebook or texting just because Jake Lynch isn’t into it.

So if we can assume that what people gain is the ability to communicate small pieces of information instantly and regularly, then the question is “what do we lose?”

The answer to this is obvious to me, every time I catch the bus anywhere, or go to a show, or do anything in public. Everywhere you look – people with their heads down, thumbs working away. Dude gets on the bus, sits down next to a stranger, and immediately stares down into his lap.

A 40 minute bus ride and no one says a word to anyone else. No conversation, no interaction, no experience of anything beyond the very confined environment of their digital realm. Retreating, dull, sheltered, disinterested, unimaginative and lifeless are some of the words that always spring to my mind, looking on.

In the same way that the limitless groups and views given air by the internet has allowed individuals to retreat deeper into the silos of opinion they are already comfortable with, that so many people chose to retreat into their phones and Web surfers whenever they find themselves in public is to me a sign that they are less and less interested in what is actually going on around them. The very concept of “society” is changing.

It is a lifestyle being ceaselessly marketed and pushed on us by wireless providers, and it doesn’t look like people are really taking the time to have a good think about what it actually brings to them, in terms of life quality.

After Alter Weiner admonished the students for texting while he was retelling his stirring and horrific story, they were genuinely sorry. “I am so sad we came across that way – I don’t want us to be the rude kids…” They knew it was a poor way to behave. Which made me think it is beyond a conscious choice now and has become a habit of addiction, or of convenience.

I know parents who complain that their kids text them from the living room, and that it is ruining their family’s social life. Who pays for the phone and the minutes? The parents. The kids get a phone because, well, everyone else has one. Sounds like a big win for Verizon and T-Mobile, and a huge loss for people.

Let’s hope we can get a grip of ourselves before the evolutionary process goes any further – huge thumbs, puny, weak limbs, hunched back, no voice box, and the inability to look up, and look around, at the incredibly beautiful and moving things happening all around us.