Well. Marijuana just became a lot less fun.
Oregon voters just passed Measure 91, legalizing pot for adults 21 and older, in their November general election.
In some ways it’s similar to the laws passed under Washington state’s Initiative 502. Adults will only be able to carry an ounce at a time and actual-factual retailers likely won’t be seen for a year-and-a-half.
In other ways it’s very different. Oregonians will be able to keep up to eight ounces in their homes and grow four plants. Hachi-machi!
But it was 91’s flat-rate tax structure that caused our big-city big brother the Seattle Weekly to wonder aloud if the Beaver State might not be in a position to poach business north of the Columbia River. Which brings three thoughts to mind:
- Come on. Let Vancouverites have this one. They’re in Vancouver. It’s the city equivalent of being Jan in the Brady Bunch.
- Vancouver already has two marijuana shops open for business and the Liquor Control Board’s lottery approved licenses for 12. The board’s fears are predicated on the idea that buyers will cross the river for something they can get next door. And if you believe that, you either haven’t met stoners or you’ve read my unoptioned screenplay for “Cheech & Chong’s The Odyssey.”
- The real question here is which state will ultimately be more attractive to “pot tourism.” And I don’t have an answer other than to say I have a pending trademark on the name Bake & Breakfast. Who wants to give me a high-risk business loan for an indefinite lending period? No one? Well, the idea was too good for you anyway.
Oregon isn’t the only state to join the circle. Voters in Alaska and Washington D.C., of all places, both puff-puff-passed measures legalizing marijuana for recreational use. Earlier this week, New York Mayor Bill de Blasio authorized police to reduce consequences for simple possession to a fine.
On the one hand, these are historically groundbreaking times. On the other hand… ballot measures? Tax structures? Interstate economics? Who invited Dad to the party?
Rest in peace, American counterculture. It was fun while Dylan was still good.
Some municipalities want no part of the new green economy, many citing the continued federal Schedule I ban on marijuana. When I still covered the city of Sumner for the Bonney Lake Courier-Herald, no sooner was Initiative 502 passed than their city council placed a citywide zoning ban on all pot-related businesses, recreational or medical (To this day, I still don’t know if the city was ignorant or willfully ignorant of the medical dispensary in its core downtown shopping center). Nearby Fife passed a ban that garnered an Attorney General opinion of “do what you will” earlier this year and Sammamish recently passed a ban of its own.
And you know what? Good for them. Independent local governance is part of what makes this country great.
But this ball is rolling and its ultimate destination is Boredom Town. Like alcohol prohibition before it, pot will quickly make the jump from taboo to a future of top-shelf brands and suburbanites detecting the earthy tones of Blue Dream at dinner party tastings.
It’s not good or bad, it’s just inevitable. There’s a more powerful rule at play here, a rule stronger than ballots or social justice or common sense.
That rule is this: Everything that was cool when you were young will be dorky by the time your kids are teenagers. I, for one, look forward to the eyerolls.
